First of all, let me congratulate you and wish you all blessings and goodwill in your role as first lady. As an animal lover, I am thrilled that there will be First Pets again in the White House.
Which makes me why I write: I heard that you are planning to adopt a rescue cat. After going through the process myself several times and being the author of 11 cat books, I wanted to give you an idea of what to expect.
As in politics, the review process is extremely extensive, regardless of how qualified you are for the job. Regardless of who you are or your background, all reputable emergency services require those who want to adopt a cat to complete a lengthy application. Before you can even spend some time sifting through the available puddies, you need to do a background check as thorough as that of a recruit looking for a top notch job with the FBI. The next step is to meet with the adoption counselor, who will personally take your action. An inspection of your residence is then required.
So Dr. Biden, to make your job easier, I thought I’d write down a sample of your questions or the credentials you may need to provide for this application:
Name of your employer?
Number of people in the household? Are all of your children seven years or older?
Do you own or rent your home?
How long have you been living at your current address? Are you going to move anytime soon?
Will your cat have the run of the house? The Senate? The oval office?
Where will your cat sleep In the Lincoln room? In the queen’s bedroom? The contract room?
Will your kitten be allowed to enter the furniture?
Will Kitty have her own Secret Service Attendants?
Briefly explain what a typical day will look like for your cat.
How much time are you likely to spend with your rescue cat?
What Will You Do When Your New Kitten Sheds Foreign Dignitaries? What if she / he tears up the curtains? What if he / she dissolves the toilet paper in the 35 White House bathrooms?
Are you financially able to offer different types of cat food to suit the different tastes of your new cat?
If your new rescue ignores you, how does that affect your day?
Do you have a lot of guests? Parties? Overnight guests? Where will your new salvation be on these occasions?
Under what circumstances would you be forced to return your cat for the rescue? If she scratches a voter? What if she rubs against the leg of a GOP? What if she throws up a hairball at a state dinner? What if she’s grooming on your desk in the middle of a call to Vladimir Putin?
How much of the national debt are you willing to raise to pay for your cat’s health care?
Do you have any other pets? If so, are you neutered / neutered? Do you have the run of the house? The Senate?
How are you going to introduce Kitty to the pets you currently have? Even though an interpreter?
What are your plans for your emergency rescue?
Dr. Biden, this is just a sample of the information you are likely to need. Additionally, you must provide at least three references, no relatives or officials in your husband’s cabinet, and the names of at least two vets from both parties that you have had over the years. That’s it. Good luck.
Allia Zobel Nolan
Allia Zobel Nolan is a Norwalk author of over 150 titles. Their latest edition is “God Made Us Just Right” by Kregel Publishers, available wherever books are sold.