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Defends dog health care deductions
WAYNESBORO, GA – “Call a dog and he’ll answer. Call a cat and you’ll have to leave a message. “
It’s an old joke everywhere except in the self-proclaimed “bird dog capital of the world”.
Tiny Waynesboro, the seat of Swing Burke County (after choosing Hillary and Trump for 2020 in 2016), is also quickly heading to the top in the 2024 contest, at least among Republican competitors. The fact that Burke County is in newly swung Georgia only adds to control.
Most experts prefer the big three Senators as their main competitors – Ron Johnson from Wisconsin, Josh Hawley from Missouri, and Ted Cruz from Texas.
“These three are involved in an Old Testament crap fight for big dollar donors,” said veteran GOP strategist Richard “Dixie” Melon in his fat Texan twang. “Get the big bucks, the top politicians hop a ride like ticks on a dog, and the polls supporters.”
Veteran husting watchers hamper Johnson and Hawley because of the way in which both benefited from the January 6 riot.
“Whatever Mojo Ted collapsed the day he became a national joke as Cancun Cruz,” said Benjie Rivers, Democratic strategist. Rivers was referring to the senator’s disastrous decision to move his family to warm, sunny Cancun, Mexico, while the state he represents froze due to widespread supply outages in the face of catastrophic winter storms.
“He has to change the message, and quickly,” said Rivers.
So Waynesboro, bird dogs and the surreal world of politicized tax deductions for the increasingly expensive animal health care.
“The Big Three all sing in front of the choir when it comes to abortion, immigration and bathroom laws,” Dixie explained.
“What’s left?” he asked. “What makes you like a wild boar on a Texas Interstate?”
For Cruz, the answer appears to be animal care, which is the ability to claim animal health as a tax deduction. But for dogs and not for cats.
A 2013 study, celebrated by the American Veterinary Medical Association, found that Republicans prefer dogs while Democrats prefer cats. Since then, year after year the numbers have confirmed this startling revelation.
The IRS does not currently allow animal health care deductions, whether for dogs or cats.
Yesterday in Waynesboro a Republican politician was seen repeatedly telling customers at Tulah’s diner on North Liberty Street that “the Democrats are asking for cat health deductions, not dogs!” Further that “Ted Cruz wants to change that!”
The politician, who has repeatedly spearheaded the Cruz campaigns, refused to enter the file on his allegation. He also refused to confirm (or deny) whether he was currently employed as a foreman for Ted Cruz for President 2024.
An official from the office of house spokeswoman Nancy Pelosi denied the claim for a cat health deduction. Unofficially, however, he replied, “It’s a fascinating idea. I wouldn’t be surprised if we followed up on it. “
Is Cruz’s strategy throwing a bone to the biggest GOP donors or is he just barking at the wrong tree?
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Hope you liked that. More of my humor and satire here.